So, I have been meaning to write this post for a bit but honestly didn't even want to think about it at all. I know that I need to get all of this crap off of my chest so that I can heal and properly move on, even if no one ever reads this blog.
So the ex that I have mentioned before, we will call him JC. We dated off and on for a year and a half. When we met I was at my heaviest. So he broke my heart a couple times. Well, this time around we dated, things were great. He had a friend come into town and visit him. He never had me meet him and it started to make me think. I realized I have only met one of his friends in the year and a half. So I finally decided to bring it up to him. I don't really know what I was expecting him to say. Maybe that the opportunity never presented itself, that I wouldn't like his friends, I don't know.... I guess I just was hoping to hear something, anything other then what the real answer turned out to be.
The reason that I never met any of his friends was because of my weight. Yep, he was fine dating that fat girl but he basically didn't want his friends to know about it. He said that he would get a really hard time from his friends about dating a big girl and that he just couldn't deal with all the hassle right now because he has enough going on in his life, didn't need the extra stressor.
This is coming from a 35 year old man who has expressed several times how much I mean to him. I honestly do not know if I will ever get over the hurt that I felt when he told me this. I mean, yes I am angry about it. I think that if you really care about me you need to care about me no matter what the size.
I guess I just don't get how you can be with someone off and on for over a year and a half and start dating them when they are heavy and care that much. Why date me in the first place if it matters so much.
If you care about me, the real me then it shouldn't matter so much. I guess maybe I'm crazy in wanting someone to love me for me, the real me. When I lose weight and when I gain. Through hard times and through the best of times. Fat times and thin times. I'm not very hopeful about that being possible right now.
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