Best Invention Ever!

Its amazing... I am actually starting to not mind grapefruit too much. I am getting used to it and I am also loving SPLENDA! Yeah Splenda is like the best thing ever! Put it all over my grapefruit and its like pouring sugar all over it and its not fattening like sugar! Is that the coolest thing ever? I believe it just may be!

Figures

So tonight we went to a club. It was so much fun. It was last minute so I wasn't all dolled up and I was just in jeans and a cute brown shirt. None of us were real dolled up. So there was a huge line to get in. Luckily for us our friend manages the club and we cut the line and walked in. It was so cool.. felt like rock stars. LoL. Plus people were looking at us like what the hell? and They aren't even dressed for this place! So, on top of that the manager offered to buy us a round of drinks- only because I'm not allowed to have alcohol. Come to find out a friend of ours is a bartender at this particular establishment. So basically I could have had free drinks all night but since I cant drink.. I was SOL. The manager ordered us a round of shots.. to them its rude not to take it so I took it and when they turned around I split it between my 2 friends in there glasses.

So yeah, just goes to show.. its like Murphy's Law or something. Mind you when I'm drinking again, there will be no free alcohol!

Plateau Day 1

For breakfast I had one hard boiled egg and half a grape fruit. Yum. I have decided as far as grapefruits go... I'm not a fan! Nope nope. I do not choose them! :)

So now I am drinking a protein drink and for lunch I will have more grapefruit with my salad and fish. Mmmm... yum!

Off to enjoy this drink! :)

Plateau

BLAH! Its only been 2 weeks and I have already hit my plateau! I gained today, just like a pound but still. I'm up and down. So frustrating especially since I did my 25 min workout last night that kicked my butt!!!

So I start plateau menu on Saturday. Good luck me!

Finally

Ugh... OK finally back on track! My lil up and down thing hopefully has passed. Lost 1.5 lbs today. Yay. Finally!

So my last official day of vacation. Ugh! Got up and went to get my TB test and then went and babysat my friend Nicole's kids Madeline & Evan. It was actually a lot of fun! :) We played hide and seek and made a puzzle, had snacks,(well they did). Then Nicole gave me a bunch of lingerie, Jammie's and bra's she had never even worn. She lost about 80-100 lbs and so I got her fat clothes which is both awesome and crappy. Hopefully I will be passing them down soon. Not that I currently have anyone to wear lingerie for.

So, then I went to Lindora and was pleasantly surprised with my 1 1/2 lb loss. Finally got under the 30 mark. Thank goodness. Then headed to Target. I pretty much am in love with Target. While I was there I bought a workout video that kicked my butt!!! Big time. I'm excited to see how I do tomorrow seeing as I actually worked out hard today! Wish me luck!

:)

BLAH

Another gain.. I am not a happy girl at all. I have done everything right and I gained 7/10 of a pound. I know its not a lot but its a gain! :( I am doing liquid diet tomorrow. I need to lose a few ugh. Hoping that tomorrow will be a much better day!

Aside from that it was a good day. Met my friend Nicole for coffee and then hit up Target. Not too much more productive then that really. I'm going to use the elliptical in a little bit. Need to exercise I guess. Blah!

My Lindora lady said she saw me at Starbucks.. almost disapproving. She said she thought she saw me today, I said "oh really, where?" she whispered "Starbucks"... like I was doing something wrong. I had a non fat latte... added a sweet n low. This is within my diet. She even said when I gained - "maybe it was what you had at Starbucks".. um NO!

So we will see how tomorrow goes.. hoping its better! :)

Always happens this way...

Yeah, it always happens this way. I had a nail appointment today and woke up a little late. So no makeup, greasy hair up in a clip. Figured I would shower after my nails and get ready and whatever. Yeah so wouldn't ya know it I am leaving the nail place and who do I see... yea, the ex. We have been broken up for about 5 weeks and of course if I ever ran into him I would want to look great. I am 13 ish pounds down and I would have liked to at least have my hair done and makeup on. But no. So we talked for a few, hugged goodbye. I still miss him which sucks. He of course looked great. He was wearing shorts and a shirt and just looked good. Whatever!!! Then all I lost was 2 oz.. Um, that is not the way to lift my spirits.

Went to lunch with Drea, she is my person. We went to The Cheesecake Factory, I had a side salad, added some chicken and used oil and vinegar for dressing. Drea got to eat the bread then she had pizza and a salad... the pizza looked great. Then she got a piece of Cheesecake for her and her bf to go. Ugh! Whatev. So, then we went shopping, I am in dire need of a long black bridesmaid dress and everything was a freaking size 8. Not ok! So, I am still in need of a bridesmaid dress.

Hoping that tomorrow I will have at least lost one more pound. Sheesh!!!

Good night!

Fell Of The Wagon

So, Saturday went to Helen's bridal shower. Almost impossible to eat good. I was good in the morning. had my cheerios with non fat milk. Headed to San Diego. Well this was the nicest freaking shower I had ever been to. Normally its like veggie platters, fruit platters, cold cuts. Not this shower. Appetizers were cheeses, meatballs and stuff. Then it was a sit down luncheon. Salad was served, ate that and put very light amt of the Italian dressing on it, then the meal which was chicken and pasta. I ate the chicken and had like 2 bites of the pasta and then I was good. The killer... tiramisu was served. Yes tiramisu is bad and i wouldn't have had any but it wasn't a situation where I could just not have dessert, people would be asking questions. I don't want to tell people I am dieting or I am on a diet plan. So I picked at it- freaking so good. Ate the strawberry and blackberry on top. Ugh... today I was pretty good. I dunno. I am super scared for tomorrow though! :( Fingers crossed.

My first Gain.. :(

So today was like any other day aside from the fact that it is freeaakkeenn HOT! Serious heat wave here! So for the first time since I started this diet I got in my entire 80 oz of water. Yay me! Sadly.. my weigh in was not what I had hoped for. I gained 4 oz. Yes, I am aware that this is not a huge gain, but never the less, I was not a happy girl. Due to the extreme heat and the fact that I generally do retain in the heat I have attributed it to that. My nurse pinched my arm and the blanching did take a while so she believes that to be the case. Today is Friday so I wont get weighed in again until Monday (tear) so we will have to wait until then to see if I had an improvement... I hope so.

Tomorrow is a worrisome day however. I am going to San Diego in the morning, all day. I will be out of my safety zone as far as being able to have the foods I need readily available. I am going to my friend Helen's bridal shower. Helen and I have been friends since I was about 6 yrs old so over 20 yrs. Pretty crazy. The only thing that I know is for sure going to be served is Tiramisu.. yay! Something that I cant actually have. Whatev. I can only hope that they will have a veggie platter and a fruit platter. Fingers crossed for me. I will continue to meditate while saying to myself... "skinny good... tiramisu bad." Ok, need to get some things together for tomorrow.

Nitey Nite!

Dreams

So the dreams have finally subsided. Yes the dreams. The first week of this diet I had dreams about food. Yeah I am a big girl but never before do I recall dreaming of food. So this entire first week I dreamt of food. Maybe they aren't dreams? Maybe they are nightmares. Like food is haunting me! Well, the dreams have stopped so that is helpful to my journey to slimsville.

Today wasn't too bad. Went to the dentist and had my temporary crown put on.. eew. I hate the dentist with a passion. I feel like I am in a horror movie every time, with that rubber dam in my mouth, having trouble breathing... its horrendous, worse then food dreams even.

On a much happier note.. down 2 more pounds! Woo hoo! I cant tell yet but at least my number is getting down and hopefully I will notice a difference soon! Ok I should PROBABLY attempt to sleep.

Last Day of School

Today was my last day of my 3rd semester of nursing school! Yay! Passed my Pharmacology final! Then everyone went to lunch.. they went to Wendy's and some brought in 31 flavors! Devils!!! Today was my protein day so I had to eat the Lindora food. So as they ate yummy cheeseburgers, french fries, chicken nuggets and ranch, ice cream and choc shakes (these are all naturally skinny girls BTW) I ate BBQ puff things and ordered a diet coke so I didn't feel like I was completely left out.

So got weighed in today and lost 1 lb. Not what I wanted but something is better then nothing. 11lbs down.. 90 some to go! :)

Good night!

Madison's Birthday

So today was my goddaughter's birthday.. (May 12) she turned 3. I wasn't even invited. So I feel like crap seeing as I am basically being punished for being the one who was screwed over and lied too and I had to miss her birthday. I emailed my "best friend" asking if she could at least wish her Happy Birthday for me seeing as I wasn't invited, her response was yes, she didn't realize that I wanted to come.. um what?! Whatever... so I feel like crap. I missed her birthday and I can never get that back. This is why I will NEVER date guys with kids. I miss Madison like crazy and there is nothing I can do about that.

So on a positive note, lost 2 more pounds today... yet, I don't feel happy like I should cause I'm so hurt about this situation. Every time I try and move past it, something happens and I am right back where I started feeling betrayed and hurt. :( Ok I need to go back to bed.

Happy Mothers Day!

Hope everyone has a great Mothers Day!

I am not a Mom.. not anytime soon anyway and that is unless you count my baby girls.. Lucy, Suzie and Spot... my Kitty's. I love them like they were my own kids!

Last night went out for Emma's birthday. That was fun! Went to Saddle Ranch on City walk and while my girls were drinking large fruity mixed drinks I had water. Mmmm. Tough tough tough! I know that it will be worth it in the long run but its still super hard.

We celebrated Mother's Day yesterday but in a little while I'm going to my parents for dinner. We are having steak and salad. I am having a much smaller portion then everyone else and sadly I will not be including my favorite side dish ... potatoes! :( Oh well.. I know that it will be worth it. I tested my ketones today and finally they are moderate! Yay me! The beginning of this is the most difficult I know that I just need to get used to it! Good luck to ME!

Diet Day 4

Okay today we celebrated Mother's Day even though its not until tomorrow. So we went to Ottavio's for super yummy Italian food.. which you may have guessed is not on my diet at all. Sad huh! :(

My breakfast 3/4 c of Cheerios... not honey nut mind you just regular.
With 1 c non fat milk

Surprisingly this filled me up. My tummy must be shrinking.

So for lunch I had a Caesar salad with Chicken and the waiter was awesome seeing as they generally grill there chicken breast in pesto and Asked for it grilled in next to nothing, if anything a small amount of olive oil. Poor waiter was like this woman is crazy. So the chef was cool with it. However, I failed to request no croutons or Parmesan cheese and the cheese is my favorite part of a Caesar Salad luckily my waiter was smarter then the average Joe and he put the croutons and parmesan on the side. I didn't get to have any but awesome job! I asked for no dressing and just put a small amount of EVOO and Balsamic vinaigrette. The salad was quite large so I put the amount I could have on a bread plate and ate that. It wasn't bad at all but comparing it to everyone else my salad and I photographed my Mom's yummy pasta! OMG it looked so good and I am so proud of me, didn't even have one bite.

Hmmm.. which would you prefer?

Day 3 of Dieting

So today was my third day and last day on protein. Tomorrow I go back to real food! YAY for real food! I cant wait! Tomorrow is when we will celebrate our Mothers Day and we are going to Ottavio's (yummy Italian restaurant). Normally, I would get Fettuccine Alfredo... My absolute favorite. Super yummy. But no.. I will be getting a salad.

So weighed in today and I lost 4 lbs.. which means I am down a total of 6 lbs, woo hoo! Thats a good motivator in itself! :)

Diet Day 2

Day 2.. still tough but I got weighed in today and lost 2 lbs! Yay!!! Also passed my Medsurg final... today was a good day!

Official Diet Day #1

Today was the first official day of my journey to skinny town... or at least my journey out of Fatsville.

It was tough. I went to study group which we hold at The Coffee Bean where they have yummy fattening coffee's and desserts. The girls brought pizza, fast food, french fries... but I held my own! :)

My Last Day of Real Food

So today was my last day of eating whatever I wanted pretty much (with the exception of alcohol or sweets). So what did I feel like all day... CHOCOLATE! Yep, Chocolate... more then likely because of the simple fact that I cant have it. Today Chocolate is forbidden.... wow now I want it. Can someone please forbid me from eating only fruits and vegetables all day? Maybe that alone would be inspiration?! Not sure.




So what did I eat today? Started with a water. Lunch went to Baja Fresh with the girls at school ordered a steak quesedilla which was good but a little too greasy for me and I only even finished half. So for dinner went to Chili's with my Mom and my sister. I got a cup of chicken enchilada soup and fajitas. The chicken enchilada soup at Chili's is so good! I would imagine that its quite fattening.

So today in general was a pretty good day. Got my case study back with an 86%. Not as good as I would have liked but could have been worse. Went and got my blood work back and everything is good. Apparently even though I'm obese, I'm healthy. Good to know! Came home and noticed that my "best friend" posted a new event on her myspace calender, her daughter's birthday festivities that she failed to invite me too. I mean she did screw me over and said she still wanted to be friends and her little girl is my god daughter so its really clear why I didn't get invited. Does sarcasm come across in blogs? So I was pretty bummed about that seeing as I was there for her ultra sounds, her birth, and every event since then but I guess her 3rd birthday will not be part of that. Not much I can do but still kinda bummed and could really use a cookie... but I will refrain. :)

So, tomorrow is the big day. The first day of my diet or should I say the first day of my complete lifestyle change! Wish me luck! :)

Happy Cinco De Mayo~

Happy Cinco De Mayo All!

So tonight is the 2nd to last day I can eat regular food and I totally did. At school I had a Propel and some of someones chips. Lunch we went to Chick-fil-a and had chicken strips, fries and Ranch dressing but with a diet coke. Tonight went for Mexican with some friends to celebrate Cinco De Mayo. Happy Hour so half off appetizers and drink specials and stuff. Had a chicken quesedilla and so badly wanted to celebrate with a margarita but I am at the stage of my diet that I cant have alcohol. Funny how as soon as its something that you "can't have" you suddenly want it. I cant have sweets and stuff either and all I feel like is ice cream cake or a brownie or something bad. What can ya do.

So, dinner was fun. Went with two very good friends who both have amazing bodies. They want to get together at one of there homes this Saturday and lay by the pool and BBQ. So cute how they have no idea that I cant wear a swim suit. I mean, clearly they realize I am quiet a bit larger but I don't know that they realize that since they both pretty much equal one of me, a swim suit is not even a possibility for me at this point. This is just one example of how my weight hinders certain aspects of my life. Ok, I am super tired. Tomorrow is my last day of normal food. Hmm guess I better make the most of it!

Issues so far in 2008

2008 has been an extremely difficult year for me up until, well, now really. So I will summarize the drama that has gone on, too many details to get into it all.

Issue of the year #1: My best friend of twelve years and the mother of my god daughter lied to me, completely betrayed my trust in her and basically broke my heart. In a nutshell, I dated this guy who ended it because the attraction wasn't there (I believe it was due to my weight). He ended it but wanted to stay friends and we still hung out several times a week, went to dinner, movies etc. he never even let me pay so, it was somewhat hard to move on. Well, my best friend broke up with her boyfriend of two years and basically my best friend and the guy I had dated decided they liked each another, they made a choice to lie to me about talking to one another. I figured it out and basically caught them, confronted them both and they still lied. Finally it was out in the open and they feel they haven't done anything wrong. Her reasoning was that she didn't really feel she could come to me with that, so basically she turned it around on me like had I been easier to approach she wouldn't have HAD to lie to me. I think that's a load of crap. The way I see it is that she made a conscious choice to go behind my back, she made the choice to lie to me repeatedly when I confronted her. Best friends are not supposed to do that. So needless to say that killed me! We still aren't really talking much. She said sorry via email but will only discuss the issue via email or texting she wont talk to me about it in person and doesn't understand why i don't really trust her right now. She thinks I am being irrational and holding a grudge and that no guy is worth losing our friendship over. I agree that a guy is not worth it but it seems to me that she is the one that made the choice to choose a guy over me. If she really cared about me and respected me it seems that she would have given me a little time to get over the situation and the guy and then come to me in person as an adult and tell me she wants to start something with him. I wouldn't be stoked about the idea but I would appreciate the honesty and the fact that she respected my feelings enough to actually think about me instead of completely disregarding my feelings completely.

Issue of the Year #2: My roommate of 6 months (friend of about ten years) moved out. She had rented two rooms in my home for her and her 8 yr old son. Which was fine, she moved out on good terms into an apartment of her own. I thought it was somewhat odd that she moved out of my house where her and her son had there own rooms and full use of the house, backyard, front yard, her son was friends with the neighborhood children and now they share a bedroom in a one bedroom apartment because she wants to feel more independent. That is fine, that's her choice. Well, she moved out a little early but still owed me $360.00 of the rent money. So she basically decided because all of this was going on with my best friend who she is closer with that she would just not pay me back. She said she couldn't afford it but while she wasn't able to pay me back she was able to purchase a brand new $200.00 cell phone, go to Vegas for a weekend with my best friend, dinners and drinks out etc. So we argued about her responsibility to pay me what she owes me and finally she sent me the check but she had no money in her bank account. I had to attempt to cash the checks three times before actually getting the money. Once I did get the money she posted a survey as a bulletin on myspace focusing a lot on my weight, this is a 29 year old mother. Needless to say she was cut from my life. The way I see it is that if the ONLY thing you can say bad about me is that I'm fat, then whatever. Just another thing to assist my motivation to FINALLY get this done.

Issue of the Year #3: A guy I had been seeing off and on since December, that I was very excited about and cared about greatly ended our relationship in April. I don't have anything against him and I know in my heart that this wasn't because of my weight but never the less it makes me want to better myself. I don't want to fall into the habit of eating to ease my broken heart.

Issue of the Year #4: I was supposed to be in my cousin's wedding in London and at the last minute after I contacted her to see what the plan was with dresses etc because I hadn't heard from her, she told me it was no longer practical to have me in her wedding because of the distance. Granted she was aware that I lived in the US when she asked me to be a bridesmaid. So that was very disappointing.

Even though its only May, this year has felt so long. So much has happened and all of it put together has just made me realise that it is finally the time in my life that I need to focus on ME! I need to focus on what is best for me, what will benefit me and a major thing that will better me and make me happier in general will be for me to finally lose this weight. Wish me luck! :)

My First Posting - Yay!

So this is my first posting, yay! Like dieting, blogging about it was always something I "meant to start" so I am finally doing so. Today I started a new diet, one that I am very excited about. Last week I went and had blood drawn to see if everything is okay with me. Today, tomorrow and Tuesday I am supposed to eat crap basically. Anything greasy, buttery, fried, etc. Then Wed I am starting there program. I am so excited. This year has been very difficult and it is definitely about time that I start to focus on myself. So, this blog will enable me to vent about the everyday struggles I know I will encounter on my journey to finding the real me, the one hiding beneath the layers of fat.