2008 has been an extremely difficult year for me up until, well, now really. So I will summarize the drama that has gone on, too many details to get into it all.
Issue of the year #1: My best friend of twelve years and the mother of my god daughter lied to me, completely betrayed my trust in her and basically broke my heart. In a nutshell, I dated this guy who ended it because the attraction wasn't there (I believe it was due to my weight). He ended it but wanted to stay friends and we still hung out several times a week, went to dinner, movies etc. he never even let me pay so, it was somewhat hard to move on. Well, my best friend broke up with her boyfriend of two years and basically my best friend and the guy I had dated decided they liked each another, they made a choice to lie to me about talking to one another. I figured it out and basically caught them, confronted them both and they still lied. Finally it was out in the open and they feel they haven't done anything wrong. Her reasoning was that she didn't really feel she could come to me with that, so basically she turned it around on me like had I been easier to approach she wouldn't have HAD to lie to me. I think that's a load of crap. The way I see it is that she made a conscious choice to go behind my back, she made the choice to lie to me repeatedly when I confronted her. Best friends are not supposed to do that. So needless to say that killed me! We still aren't really talking much. She said sorry via email but will only discuss the issue via email or texting she wont talk to me about it in person and doesn't understand why i don't really trust her right now. She thinks I am being irrational and holding a grudge and that no guy is worth losing our friendship over. I agree that a guy is not worth it but it seems to me that she is the one that made the choice to choose a guy over me. If she really cared about me and respected me it seems that she would have given me a little time to get over the situation and the guy and then come to me in person as an adult and tell me she wants to start something with him. I wouldn't be stoked about the idea but I would appreciate the honesty and the fact that she respected my feelings enough to actually think about me instead of completely disregarding my feelings completely.
Issue of the Year #2: My roommate of 6 months (friend of about ten years) moved out. She had rented two rooms in my home for her and her 8 yr old son. Which was fine, she moved out on good terms into an apartment of her own. I thought it was somewhat odd that she moved out of my house where her and her son had there own rooms and full use of the house, backyard, front yard, her son was friends with the neighborhood children and now they share a bedroom in a one bedroom apartment because she wants to feel more independent. That is fine, that's her choice. Well, she moved out a little early but still owed me $360.00 of the rent money. So she basically decided because all of this was going on with my best friend who she is closer with that she would just not pay me back. She said she couldn't afford it but while she wasn't able to pay me back she was able to purchase a brand new $200.00 cell phone, go to Vegas for a weekend with my best friend, dinners and drinks out etc. So we argued about her responsibility to pay me what she owes me and finally she sent me the check but she had no money in her bank account. I had to attempt to cash the checks three times before actually getting the money. Once I did get the money she posted a survey as a bulletin on myspace focusing a lot on my weight, this is a 29 year old mother. Needless to say she was cut from my life. The way I see it is that if the ONLY thing you can say bad about me is that I'm fat, then whatever. Just another thing to assist my motivation to FINALLY get this done.
Issue of the Year #3: A guy I had been seeing off and on since December, that I was very excited about and cared about greatly ended our relationship in April. I don't have anything against him and I know in my heart that this wasn't because of my weight but never the less it makes me want to better myself. I don't want to fall into the habit of eating to ease my broken heart.
Issue of the Year #4: I was supposed to be in my cousin's wedding in London and at the last minute after I contacted her to see what the plan was with dresses etc because I hadn't heard from her, she told me it was no longer practical to have me in her wedding because of the distance. Granted she was aware that I lived in the US when she asked me to be a bridesmaid. So that was very disappointing.
Even though its only May, this year has felt so long. So much has happened and all of it put together has just made me realise that it is finally the time in my life that I need to focus on ME! I need to focus on what is best for me, what will benefit me and a major thing that will better me and make me happier in general will be for me to finally lose this weight. Wish me luck! :)
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